Today I am Abstracted. It's been a long time, but i feel a level of obligation to this site.

1. Balconies:
   why are these so public? From that height you feel above everybody, but in the city all you can see are other balconies. My aunt lived across from a hotel…I would sit on her balcony and just watch the other people on their balconies. One night, at sunset, there were a couple kissing on the balcony, looking out over the sea. This was a strange feeling – to watch their private moment, to realise that any other balcony user could see me just as much. It was a cliché, their kiss, but somehow beautiful despite, maybe even because of this. Life imitating art, art imitating life, who knows. At that moment they believed they were living the romantic dream, kissing on the balcony as the sun set. Yes, but a learned romantic dream, a collective dream most of us have.
   I think clichés connect us. The world is simple to understand in those terms.
   From the balcony, I liked to look down and lean over the rail.
   When I am somewhere high, most of me wants to fall, just to let my body go… it is the strangest urge.
   
2. Holding A Snake:
   the highlight of my trip. Snakes have always been my favourite animals, though they sometimes shared that post with horses. I love the feel of them. I love the look of them. I love the way they move, and when they slide around your arm… it’s an awesome feeling. I would like a pet one.
   
3. The Sea In Darwin:
   somehow this is not the sea. You look at it, and it is like some other body of water. It’s too different, and you don’t do the sea things that you do in other places with ocean.
   And there are things in it that you can’t see. Secrets and hidden depths. It is disconcerting.
   
4. Peacocks:
   I disturbingly realised that these are native to somewhere. (namely India and Sri Lanka) They are so connected with domestication and walled gardens in my mind that I could not accept their exterior, wild existence. I will one day have a large country estate, with sweeping gardens. These gardens will include peacocks.
   
5. Love:
   Some people I know think they are in love. Others think they aren’t. These people are wrong. And their definitions of love differ so widely.
   
6. Not Knowing What to Write:
   I don’t usually have this problem.
   Dot points are always the answer.
   
7. Post Secret:
   last week they had one card that I saved, because it made me smile. I finally acknowledge that I have difficulty letting go, because to me this is a warm, self-satisfied secret. And I have been keeping this secret, too. Now i am admitting to it. But knowing something and doing something with that knowledge are two different things.
   WHY do I love my own pain so much?

The link for this site is on one of my lists. Click this picture to make it bigger.